Don’t Be Your Own Dream Killer: End-of-Year Reflections
We have just two weeks left in 2025, and like many of you, I’m working diligently to close out the goals I set back in January—for The Pursuit Counseling, for my family, and for my ultramarathon training.
At the time of this writing, I have 64 miles left to reach my goal of 1,750 miles for the year. Every mile now feels intentional. Every run feels like a choice to finish what I started.
This same spirit is showing up in many of my sessions with clients. As they review their year—their progress, their setbacks, their wins, and their losses—one theme consistently emerges:
“I wish I would have tried…”
Not: “I tried and it didn’t work.”
Not: “I gave it everything I had.”
But rather:
“I didn’t try… and I regret it.”
The goals weren’t missed because they pushed hard and fell short. The goals were missed because they never gave themselves a real chance—because fear took the steering wheel.
The Fear That Keeps Us From Trying
In nearly every end-of-year review session where a client talked through their failures, the root issue wasn’t capability, skill, or time management. It was fear.
Fear of failure.
Fear of embarrassment.
Fear of not being good enough.
Fear of what others might think.
Stanford neuroscientist Andrew Huberman describes fear as a biological state—not a personal flaw. When we anticipate something challenging or uncertain, the brain’s threat circuitry (particularly the amygdala) activates, flooding the body with signals that tell us to avoid, retreat, or stay small.
But Huberman’s research also shows something incredibly hopeful:
Trying—even imperfectly—changes the fear response.
When we take small actions toward the thing we fear, the prefrontal cortex begins to dampen the brain’s alarm system. Over time, fear becomes information rather than a stop sign. Through action, the brain literally rewires itself to become more resilient, more confident, and more capable of risk-taking.
Trying is not just motivational advice.
Trying is neurological training.
Don’t Be Your Own Dream Killer
Fear will always be present, but it cannot be the author of your life.
The clients who struggled this year weren’t lacking in ability. They were held back by the internal belief that failing would be worse than never trying. Unfortunately, the opposite is true:
Not trying is the only guaranteed failure.
And yet, there’s another side to this story—a hopeful one.
What the Successful Clients All Had in Common
When we look closely at the clients who did reach their goals this year, their stories weren’t clean or easy. They faced challenges too—sometimes bigger ones than the clients who didn’t succeed.
But here’s the difference:
They acknowledged the obstacles.
They didn’t pretend things were easy. They named the barriers.
They confronted their fears rather than avoiding them.
Fear was part of the pursuit, not a disqualifier.
They were open—really open.
They talked honestly in therapy.
They communicated with business partners and family.
They asked for support instead of hiding their struggles.
They kept working, even when progress was slow.
They didn’t wait for motivation. They relied on commitment.
They stayed in the arena.
The successful clients weren’t fearless.
They were willing.
As You Look Toward 2026…
Let this year teach you something important:
Don’t be your own dream killer.
Don’t let fear tell you you’re not ready.
Don’t let the first obstacle convince you to quit.
Don’t let regret be the loudest voice in your year-end review.
You don’t need perfection.
You don’t need certainty.
You just need to try.
And if you take even one meaningful step toward your goals before the end of this year, your brain—and your life—will already be moving in a new direction.